Good Manners and Sportsmanship - Important American Values

For the last few Sundays, my pastor has been talking about relationships and family.  During one sermon, he noted the five things below that we learn from our family and shared Deuteronomy 6:7 with us.

1.       What to do with feelings

2.       How to handle conflict

3.       How to handle loss (and losing)

4.       What values matter most

5.       How to develop good habits

Child's Placemat Showing Good Table Manners

I think the teaching values and good habits helps with the other three.  Children used to be taught how to share, to be considerate of others, and of course good manners.  Being a good sport and congratulating the winning team even when you were the loser was also taught.  We valued each other and respected other’s property.  Can we still say that today?

I can recall a time when my dad went to help someone work on their house.  Most of his children were there fetching items for him and otherwise staying out of the way.  During the day, we were given lunch by the people whose house my dad was working on.  We kids were politely asking "please," saying "thank you" or "your welcome" during the meal; as well as "yes sir" and "no mam" throughout the day.  On the way home, my dad said how proud he was of our good manners and that the home owners mentioned them too.  It made us feel good that our mom had taught us how to behave in the home of others.  She did this by practice at home and reinforcing the preferred behavior at family gatherings and events outside the home.  For my mom, good manners were a true sign of respect for others.

Manners are not a generational issue; manners are a social issue. Recently I saw an example of generations at my local community center.  In front of me in the sign-in line was a Dad and his teen-aged child.  The Dad signed in and to the receptionist he said “Basketball, please.”  He was given a ball, he said “Thanks.” and went into the gym.  Then his child signed-in, said simply “Basketball,” took the ball without saying anything else and walked into the gym.  (Before anyone gets sexist and thinks “That is how teenage boys are…” the child was actually a girl.)   For a societal view, you may want to read Smart Company magazine’s Why Manners and Courtesy are Vital for Successful Sales, Businesses and Societies.  For more of a business view, you may want to check out Is the Era of Incivility Going to Destroy American Business?

Now I will transition from manners and basketballs to the related topic of sportsmanship.  I also remember when contests and sporting events had winners and losers.  Now that only seems to exist in professional sports. Now, everyone gets a trophy for just showing up, so who was the winner?  What does that teach children about handling loss and being a good sport?  How do they learn to handle their emotions or manage themselves during conflict?  If everyone is always a winner, then what happens when they do not get a scholarship or a promotion later in life?

I know there are still parents out there teaching their kids to say thanks and please.  I have seen and heard them tell their children “What do you say?”  I have also heard parents say (and read on Facebook) how proud they were when someone complemented their children on their good behavior or excellent manners.   Would the world be a nicer place to live if we all could learn to practice good manners? I think YES!  Teach children manners at home, so they have that as a habit, and you may not have to remind them to do so outside the home.  Teach children how to handle losing and you may not experience whining when they do not get all that they desire later on.

Even if you may not share my thoughts on manners (and if you have good eyesight), you may want to check out this blog post, Five Reasons Manners are Important with quotes from Clarence Thomas and Emily Post.  You may also want to visit this home skills website and read How You Benefit from Proper Etiquette to see why manners are important for every generation.

How Can We Stop the Rudeness Infecting America?

Is it just me or do you see that people are becoming more and more rude with every generation?  Why is this? And how can we stop it?   Is it the fault of the ME generation that was deemed selfish?  Or is the problem really with X, Y, and Z (aka new GenME)?  Have we raised (or are raising) children that think only of themselves?  Are manners and thoughtfulness things of the past? 

I think the rudeness is part of incivility trend that has been crawling across the country for several years.  In the past, Americans respected government offices, such as president, and would never be disrespectful of the person holding the office even if they had lost trust in the individual.  The attacks on the new president when he speaks are not so different from those on other presidents when they were new to the office.  Trump (Republican) Obama (Democrat), Bush (Rep), and Clinton (Dem) were also disrespected by either the media or select politicians claiming to represent the citizens.  As you can see by the list, we show our discontent with a presidential party and their politics by selecting a different one the next time. 

Discontent is no excuse for rudeness and disrespect!  How can anyone be rude to the president and claim to represent the majority of citizens when they were elected based upon a majority vote?  It is just an excuse; get over the politics of the election and give the new guy a chance to do his job. (This is basically what we hear every time a new party takes office.)  Stop being rude and start respecting the office!  Show respect until the new person actually does something to destroy our trust.  Those in power that are not supportive and overly apologetic (often without getting all the information) are showing disrespect for the office of president and for the citizens (most likely their own constituents) that voted for that president. 

I am putting politics aside now and explaining that I do not think we can blame any particular generation for the rudeness (aka era of incivility and viral vs privacy ethics).  We need to lead by example and everyone must teach their children their own personal values and acceptable behaviors.  Plus, we all have to take responsibility for allowing everyone else to be rude and accepting incivility in the past if we want to change the future.  

On that note, as we grow from children to adults, we learn the difference between a privilege and a right.   The opportunity to protest is a privilege that not many other countries have.  Freedom of speech is a right, doing it unlawfully or violently is not.  

Below are a few books by psychologists, sociologists, and others on what rudeness/incivility is doing to hurt America.

- A Short History of Rudeness (2015) by Mark Caldwell – how it is hurting families

- End of Discussion (2015) by Mary Katharine Ham and Guy Benson – how PC is hurting this country

- The Outrage Industry (2013) by Jeffrey M. Berry and Sarah Sobieraj  – how media is confusing citizens

- Incivility (2010) by Phillip Smith, Timothy Phillips, Ryan King – how it is hurting communities

For books on how it is hurting business, read Is the Era of Incivility Going to Destroy American Business?

This post is my opinion based on personal observation.  I have a right to my opinion and I respect anyone’s right to have a different opinion.  You are welcome to comment on this post if you do so respectively.  Personal attacks, rude text, and profanity are NOT welcome here.  Thanks for your understanding.

Super-easy Fabulous Fudge Recipes for All Holiday Seasons

Strawberry Fudge for Valentines Day
with  Heart Cookie Cutter

What do you think of when someone says fudge?  I think of  the 1-inch sort-of-square creamy fudge pieces Mom and I cooked on the stovetop.  It was a chocolate confection recipe made originally by melting marshmallows with butter, chocolate chips, and other ingredients.  Then sometime after I was married the recipe became Fantasy Fudge and was updated to be made with the marshmallow crème in a jar.  I still make this sometimes for Christmas. Of course, I may also think chocolate because ‘hot fudge” ice cream topping (which is my favorite sundae) is a deep rich chocolatey concoction.  Please do not forget to put walnuts (most recipes call for this nut) or pecans (most southerners substitute this nut) in your chocolate fudge choice above to make it more delicious! 

Turns out the definition of fudge is “a soft candy made from sugar, butter, and milk or cream.” In the past few years I have been introduced to more flavors of fudge made using the microwave instead of conventional stove.  The four that quickly come to mind are:  peanut butter fudge, caramel fudge, peppermint fudge, and pistachio fudge (click to see recipes).  I liked the flavor of the pistachio and coloring it green makes it a perfect treat for Christmas, Easter, or St. Patrick’s Day.  The red and white peppermint is also a Christmas favorite.  Gingerbread fudge or coffee fudge also may be a surprising change for a large group or added into your fudge packages at Christmas.

This year, I discovered super-easy fudge recipe for all seasons and tastes!   You just use a flavored frosting to get strawberry, lemon, and etc.  It is requires only 2 ingredients and 3 basic steps.  All you have to do to make it is in the three steps below.

QUICK FUDGE RECIPE

1. Melt a 12 OZ  bag of white chocolate baking chips
2. Mix in a 16 OZ container of cake frosting (any flavor you want)
3. Put in refrigerator for at least an hour to set before cutting

FUDGE PREP TIPS:

• If you plan to put anything on top or inside the fudge, have it ready before making the fudge as topping will not stick once the fudge sets. Make it more special by adding nuts into the mix or on top.  You may choose to put holiday or specialized sprinkles on top to make it more festive.
• Vary flavor and color options of frosting for different events.  My first experience with this recipe was with strawberry frosting for Valentines.  You can make it for any holiday simply by selecting a frosting in the desired shade or flavor!  If you do not find the color you want, use a white frosting and add food color.  If you cannot find the frosting flavor you desire (say almond for instance), use a basic white/vanilla frosting and add 1 teaspoon of preferred flavoring. 

Below are a few more make-it-special ideas:

• You may want to experiment with seasonal fudge flavors (like pumpkin or mint) by using the special flavored  baking chips made for a particular holiday (instead of the required white chocolate) and using a white variety of frosting, if you cannot find the desired flavor in frosting,
• If you are making it for a chocoholic, you can do a triple chocolate version using dark chocolate chips, chocolate frosting, and on top put mini-chocolate chips, chocolate sprinkles, or shaved candy bar bits! 
• Taylor it to a special occasion by using a mini-cookie cutter to create shapes other than the standard 1-inch square.
• For a different holiday look, for a birthday party, or for bridal/baby showers; you may also desire to put the cut pieces into special mini-cupcake liners to make it look like fancy candies. 

If you try a new flavor of the quick fudge or come up with a neat specialty idea you want to share, please put it in a comment on this blog post.  Or if you have a different favorite fudge recipe you would like to share, please put a URL to link to that recipe in the comments for this blog post.  Thanks!

Greenery Gemstones for This Year’s Fashionista

Last year, I did a post of Pantone’s 2 colors of the year.  This year, they chose a color nomenclature that has an “everything green” thought behind it, even though they mean a specific color of green.  As a result - fashion, jewelry, and interior designers are going crazy using all sorts of versions of green or telling us different combinations of color to use with green.

If you want to be fashionable but don’t like want “fashion jewelry” because you prefer to wear the “real stuff.” You are in luck! There are a lot of gemstones that come in green to mix and match with this year’s color greenery.  For example, you can get the two birthstones of emerald (higher priced precious stone) and peridot (low to high price due to quality and color semi-precious.  These two should be the easy to find at your local jewelry or department store.  If you want different green gemstones that others may not have, you can check the chart below for ideas and check on-line shopping sites for the colors that best fit your style or color season.  These is by no means a complete list of green minerals, consider it a place to start for stones you may actually find, most are affordable but not all…

Green Gemstones

Transparent to Translucent Gems	Semi-translucent to Opaque Stones
Chrome Diopside Chrysoberyl Garnets: Demantoid + Tsavorite Helenite Hiddenite Moldavite Peridot Prasiolite Prehnite Sphene/Titanite Verdelite/Tourmaline Vesuvianite	Agate Aventurine Chrysoprase Emerald Gaspeite Jade Malachite Ruby Zoisite Seraphinite Mojave + Turquoise Unikite Variscite