I'm a #TexasGirl, so I wrote this poem as a holiday warning to package thieves (aka #ChristmasGrinch or #PackageThief or #PorchPirates). This is just meant to be funny - I am not advocating gun violence. I'm also a little bit of a #Techno Geek, so I had to create a 2nd amendment rights meme to go along with the poem.
Package Thief Warning
by Shirley Fine Lee (copyright 12/06.2019, all rights reserved)
Dear package thief,
This is Texas and
That is my property!
Don't you know?
Our governor upped the ante,
You can go to jail
As your theft penalty.
Don't you never mind though,
It is still law here that
I can protect my property.
Don't you never mind...
I need no technology
Because my hunting dog
Will know you're near my property.
He jumps, barks, and howls
His bite is worse than the growl.
He is better than an alarm.
No, you never mind that!
Yes, he could do you harm.
But don't you worry none
I'll not let him loose
To tear you limb from limb
Starting with your caboose.
Don't you know,
My hound's simple warning
Starts me on a run?
Giving me enough time
To get my trusty gun,
Make sure it's loaded,
Aim it towards the floor,
And meet you at the door.
There I'll say with force,
"Friend, this is my property,
This is my porch,
That there is my package.
If you keep standing here,
Holding it like your baggage,
I'll shoot you in your foot.
Or you can set it down,
And turn around.
Then run away from here,
While hoping I'm so kind
Not to unload shots
Into your behind!"
Package Thief Warning
by Shirley Fine Lee (copyright 12/06.2019, all rights reserved)
Dear package thief,
That is my property!
Don't you know?
Our governor upped the ante,
You can go to jail
As your theft penalty.
Don't you never mind though,
It is still law here that
I can protect my property.
Don't you never mind...
I need no technology
Because my hunting dog
Will know you're near my property.
He jumps, barks, and howls
His bite is worse than the growl.
He is better than an alarm.
No, you never mind that!
Yes, he could do you harm.
But don't you worry none
I'll not let him loose
To tear you limb from limb
Starting with your caboose.
Don't you know,
My hound's simple warning
Starts me on a run?
Giving me enough time
To get my trusty gun,
Make sure it's loaded,
Aim it towards the floor,
And meet you at the door.
There I'll say with force,
"Friend, this is my property,
This is my porch,
That there is my package.
If you keep standing here,
Holding it like your baggage,
I'll shoot you in your foot.
Or you can set it down,
And turn around.
Then run away from here,
While hoping I'm so kind
Not to unload shots
Into your behind!"
No comments:
Post a Comment